Star … a message from her mummy

Dear friends on #StarsPorch

Oh, where to begin. It has been just over 24 hours since my baby girl and I said our final farewell. I feel like I haven’t seen her for ages. The pain is quite unbearable to be honest.

image41 I wanted to take some time to tell you all about our day on Wednesday. It was an extraordinary day. Star and I shared Popchips for breakfast and then she licked the bag out and had another meal. We then went and sat on the green for over an hour. She was bright and alert and many of her friends came by to see her. She kept looking over to me which always means she wants me closer so I went and sat on the grass with her. She crawled into my lap and buried her head in my sweatshirt. It was a real cuddle. We simply needed to be together.

When we came back in she got on the sofa and snoozed for a while and my Godmother came to see her. Star was so happy to see her. After a few more Popchips she moved to her bed in the living room and snoozed. At lunchtime we cooked her some chips, her absolute favourite and I fed them to her one by one. My mum and I were sitting in the living room watching some television while she slept and half way through the afternoon the most beautiful thing happened. Star woke up and kept staring at me. She did this a lot when she wanted to game and image1would often give a low growl to get my attention. I got on the floor and lay next to her facing her on her memory foam mattress. We had a brief but wonderful game and as I went to get up she stretched both her front paws out and placed them on my left arm, looked me straight in the eye asking me to stay. I did. We spent about ten minutes just looking at each other and she started to fall asleep. Exhausted from a lack of sleep I soon fell asleep with her, holding on to her. It was the deepest of sleep I have ever experienced, it was like we shared the same dream space and within that fusion we slept for over an hour, waking only once to see each other still there and when we finally woke I felt something had changed. I’m so very grateful to my mother for capturing this on camera with a photo which I share with you here.

After another meal it was time to go on the green for one last sit out . Once again Star just wanted to sit on my lap and be as physically close to me as possible. She wagged at her friends and was surrounded by love but she was tired and I could feel that. We sat until just before 8pm and then came in and Star settled on her bed in the living room. She had a long cuddle with me and with my mum and stepdad then went into a natural deep sleep, peaceful and calm, surrounded by her family. Dr Roger was with us for the evening and we all sat chatting,surrounding her with normal life, me holding her paws. She was enveloped by love and passed away in the most peaceful way I have ever witnessed, as her natural deep sleep was just quietly extenstarded. We are both indebted to Roger for loving her as he did and giving her the best care, right until the very end.

Dearest friends, I have such peace that the timing for Star was just perfect. I have calm in my heart for her. She didn’t suffer at all, I was never going to let that happen, but she was tired and on Tuesday morning I felt the time was near and Star started to communicate with me in a different way. The #TiaraTuesday party this week was so special, to see so many avatar’s changed was wonderful and what a celebration. I can never thank Rosy and Annie enough and of course dear Bear for giving us Tiara Tuesday and for never missing one ever. What a wonderful tradition that became.

Star was an inspirational dog. I met her when she was five days old and she literally lit up her litter. She was the only golden pup amongst her 8 black brothers and sisters and her mum and dad both black,so from the start I knew she was going to be different. She sat on me that day, and never really stopped sitting on me from that moment on. Her spirit really shone from her, she had a love forimage4 life and for all people and dogs. She never snapped at any dog, not even when occasionally provoked on the beach. She was a pacifist with a serene soul who lived her life with joie de vivre. She came to work with me everyday at the studios, was on set with me all the time during photo shoots, she has sat in multiple edit suites and recording studios and together we lived the perfect life. She has a family who adore and worship her, my amazing Mum who she used to watch intently for any treats and my stepfather who she knew she could  con an extra long walk from.  She had her own unique relationship with them and they were her comfort when I was ever away working. Star gave us all a very special summer this year and as a family we sat on the green and each day our crowd grew and we made some wonderful new friends. Star loved a brown lab called Byron and all together at our home by the sea we simply had the best of times. From the moment she came to me she stopped traffic. People would cross the road to meet her and talk to her, commenting on her prettiness astar3nd how happy she was. What a blessing for me. What a blessing for this world.

Our life on Twitter began when Star was asked to be the Labrador to promote the DVD release in the UK of Marley and Me and she was asked to create an account. She did photo shoots with Woman magazine, OK and Best magazine and she walked several red carpets attending the dog premiere of the film in Chelsea. The bank of photographers didn’t phase her at all, she was used to her Mum!

So from that came all of you, the twitterati  and our dearest friends. I’m not a social media fan particularly but through Star this world opened up to us, a world of wonderful like minded souls and gorgeous animals from around the world and so our hearts were stolen so many times over. We have met so many of you in person, through our beloved Keely, our first heartbreak and then Winnie, we finally got to meet Lorraine when Chloe arrived. Chloe and Star became bestie’s and Lorraine became one of mine. Ouimage42r bestie trips to the Cotswolds at Christmas were something that we looked forward to so much, a most favourite time of the year meeting with Isla and Hugo and Hector and Moss and Asha and Ben and Fin. Just glorious chaos of dogs in pubs and Lorraine and I shopping with our girls Chloe and Star. Then we had our tweet ups at our home in Devon, the besties again, running on the beach and paddling in the water. Star was so full of joy on her beach and meeting with Kathy and Strider and Alfie and Billie always produced so much laughter in the sand. Some we already knew, our beloved Aunty Christine and Uncle E and the joy we had at the cottage. So many special times with them and Jess and Bear and Marty.

Through the magic of a Labrador called Timber who captured our hearts and then broke them when he left us, we made life time friends with his Ma and Pa, Barb and John and have shared so mstar2any wonderful times together in England. And because of a fellow Golden girl named Chloe from Vancouver we met Pat Pancoust, our “Canadian sister”. This summer we were all united in the UK and made the most special memories. Pat named Star and Star’s brother Mel Honourary Canadians and got them Canadian collars and tags and Barb and John bought Canadian pillows on their first trip which became Star’s goto pillow for comfort. She loved her pillow.

Then a dog called Tracey came into our life and we fell in love with her. She was so similar to Star and when we lost her we were devastated. The gifts that Tracey’s mum Lorraine has showered upon Star and Mel have been so amazing. The perfect crystal name tag in the shape of a heart and the massive bag of gifts more recently for her 13th birthday, all so precious, thanimage12k you.

A few weeks back we were lucky to meet with Dougal and Chico and the legendary Wiggle and Olive and handsome Oban and ‘Lucy the lab’ Mom and what a photo that impromptu meeting produced. Lily the Labrador who is a dear original friend and the amazing Simon who fought the battle against cancer so bravely and was an inspiration to us all. Simon helped us with our fight and they were tweethearts from across the miles. He left such a void but what a legacy. Doris we loved and lost and Blue and Ruger and Lucy the lab and Rudi. Bear who changed the world. So many many more loved and lost. Always remembered.

I was torn as to mention names or not for fear of leaving someone out which I will do because I am exhausted and bereft. But please know you are all loved and you have all made our time on Twitter so special. Fred the dog who held paws with Star most recently and the ever wonderful Sir Alf our mainstay on her porch. Alf you were our security. The wonderpaws gang, the Vizzler gang, Sadie, George, Beautiful Bliss and Annie and Zeke and Sidney, Jess, Lynn, Anniegolden, Bea, Megs and Ori, Max, Kingsley, Cinammon, Lucy YellowLab, JessieJimage6aney, Doofer, Bunnybell, Ginger, Wennie, Whiskie and Flynn, Moose, Hamish, Briar, GeorgeW, Annie W, Molly and Judy, Daisy, Henry, Sir T, Lilli and Archie, Albert, Merlin, Rita,Cassie, Rosy and Betsy with their takeaways and to all of our pals I can never thank you all enough for loving my girl the way you do and for all the amazing times we all shared. When Star became a Dame, I could not have been more proud and I can’t tell you how much that meant. Thank you Bliss and to everyone who put her forward.

A special mention as well to Thomas, the backbone of Twitter for so many of us. Thank you for your unconditional support and love and to all your family as well. And Gracie Kitten, Star’s first feline friend. You and Foz and your mummy have brightened our world daily. Our human friends as well, Harriet, Lori, Lilac, Aunty Fi, Jim, Aunty Suzanne, Carla, Sue, Julie, Jane and Val, Rick and of course Dana. Dana your daily tweets not just for Star but for all those poorly image32is just so very special. What a comfort that has been and I thank you as Star’s mum for all that dedication and love.

Thank you to each and everyone one of you for loving her. Thank you for the fun. Thank you for the Tiaras and the tribute name tags you are using and for the flowers that are being planted in her name. She loved pink and Wednesday morning our white rose bush grew a single pink bloom.

We had a very special service yesterday for Star at a crematorium in Newbury. I drove her there in the morning having kept her with us overnight. I didn’t want any form of generic end for her, collections and morgues were just never going to suit my girl. So with Mel and the family on board and with our Labrador taxi sticker from Gracie showing proudly on the back of the car, we drove her. We had an hour service and we said our goodbyes and read out many of your comments in the chapel. She was sent OTRB with a printout of her Damehood being announced and a tweet from every single one of her anipals. And so my friends she takes the love you all shared with her . She was wrapped in her best pink blanket from Chloe and Lorraine, her head resting on her Canadian pillow with her collar from Aunty Pat by her side. Her toys from Gracie and Lorraine B were with her as was a photo album of pictures of all her loved ones. She had the gold tiara she wore on Tuesday from my Goddaughter with her, letters from her family and my favourite T shirt. She left this world with all our love with her.

And now my friends, just timimage2e for me to say a few words to my girl.

Precious Star, what a gift from God you are and will always be. I have always lived life for the moment, trying to put in more than I take out, but you taught me how to love and live and laugh on a whole new level this summer. Your serene beauty which came from inside your soul blessed us daily. Your bombastic ways as a youngster carried on till your teens and you will always be an eternal puppy to me. Your utter love for life manifested in so many daily gaming sessions, a thing to experience of just utter joy as your happiness spilled out of you. The way you ran to greet; the way you sat for years on the pillows on my bed, oh the days of #PrincessPillows; the chaos you caused at Christmas and birthdays with your love of shredding and ripping the envelopes from our hands even before we had read the card inside; the way you danced across the sand, smacked Byron in the face to get his attention; always wanted to sit where I was sitting, the days you sat watching me decorate Star’s Cove, oh baby girl just so many many beautiful memories. You gave your family the world, you taught a new level of kindness and love to share in your name, you made our family complete. I could not love you more. We could not love you more. My heart is shattered, my chest feels tight, my arms so empty and I am lost without you. How will I ever move forward without you, my baby girl? The world feels vacantimage11.  I did not hear a single bird song yesterday , the world went quiet. Thank you for the love, thank you for the friendship, for the fun and the laughter and the quiet times contemplating this world together as we sat on the beach, on the green, on the sofa. Yesterday I reached down to touch your head, but you weren’t there so I reached into my broken heart my precious girl and found our love.

Thank you Star for all that you are and all that you gave us. Life simply can never be the same but I will make sure that your life legacy lives on. My girl, my friend, my precious Bubba Star. You were my everything and I’m yours forever. Love you. Mummy xxx


[Pals, please leave a message for Maria by commenting below. Thank you]

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44 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Mogsbear (@mogsbear)
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 09:35:51

    *Leaky eyes* Bootiful tribute filled wiv Love………xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Reply

  2. Mary Roever
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 12:36:16

    My heart is breaking for your loss. Star was a beautiful doggie and it’s easy to see Star was well loved by all who knew her. This is a beautiful post and my eyes are leaky knowing how much Star will be missed. Wish we would have had the opportunity to have known Star on Twitter. It was our loss for sure. M sends big HUGS to Star’s humans.

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 18:16:38

      Thank you Mary for such a lovely message about Star. Reading them now and then gives me great comfort in how she was loved by so many and how she changed the world for the better. Love to you all X

      Reply

  3. Katie Isabella
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 12:40:36

    I did not have the honor of knowing your Star and you, but I am here with love in my heart for you both. I fully understand your sorrow as we all ere do, having gone through it myself. I read your lovely testimony to Star with tears flowing. They still are. Be at peace my new friend.

    @katiebella2

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 18:18:19

      Dear Katie thank you for such lovely words of support. 8 months on and I miss her every day. It will never leave me. I learn to be a new version of myself but my life was better for knowing her. Lots of love to you all X

      Reply

  4. ramblingsofmineblog
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 13:59:10

    Such a beautiful and moving tribute, from a wonderful human to a special bright Star…. xxx

    Reply

  5. Lorraine Beardwood
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 14:02:28

    Dear Maria ,
    I dont know were you found the strength to write your beautiful blog , I will always remember Star , she held a special place with me , i loved all her pics & always looked forward to seeing them , of all the dogs on twitter , she did resemble Tracey , a very Gentle special mummy’s girl , my heart goes out to you , at this time of unbearable loss & grief, her spirit lives on & she is with you always ,the signs of her presence will come to you , & its then you will smile again
    Much love to you
    Lorraine @2 Beardwood xxx

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 18:25:32

      Our wonderful friends Lorraine and Tracey, you brought us so much joy and the days of the Jag were the inspiration for Star’s adventures in her vehicle. I think of Tracey always. Thank you for all the friendship during the halcyon days of Twitter. They remain forever in my heart xx

      Reply

  6. Phi
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 14:11:18

    Star, the most pawfectly named pup around, is so proud of her family and had the most joyous love and life. My momma wept openly at every word of her tribute here and wraps you in our love from miles away. Star is hugging you with Every single heartbeat you have. There, can you feel her? And there? She is with you forever. Her joy filled our world with glee and she runs free with Phi now and her pals above. Her sleeping picture with Mum warmed our soul. Gorgeous tribute for a dear, brave, beloved angel. We love you Star and Mum, from AngelPhi, Mom and Sadie

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 18:36:02

      Angel Phi, Mom and Sadie, thank you for your amazing words. The thought of Star and Phi chasing rainbows warms my heart. I miss her so,always will. Your friendship means so much. Xxx

      Reply

  7. Carla
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 14:15:17

    Dear wonderfully special Maria,
    If I hadn’t joined Twitter I wouldn’t have know about your beautiful precious Star and although it’s not been long since I came across Star’s Twitter page she fair lit my screen when I clicked on a Tweet. My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine what you’re going through. Her photos sparkled and glowed with so much vitality she could have just stepped out from the screen. We’re all so blessed to know your gorgeous special Star. Treasure all your joyful memories. The love you share will always be there. You’ve written so movingly and with so much love. Many tears will be shed not only for your loss but also for reading about the special bond you shared. Your precious Star was indeed a gift from God. Thank you for sharing her with us. She added so much to our lives in such a magical and special way. She’s left a paw print in my life. Lots of love and hugs to you and much love to your and Star’s family and friends. xxx

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 20:43:40

      Dearest Carla, as always your kind words touch our hearts. To know that Star left a legacy of love here on earth means so much. All these comments meant so very much during those unbearable first days and weeks. I miss her every day. I cannot be the same as ampiece of me left with her. Since then you have suffered your own great loss and I share that pain with yo. Much love dear friend. So glad that Twitter brought so many of us together xx

      Reply

  8. Dana
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 14:35:27

    Thank you so much for sharing your girl with us and this beautiful telling of her last day. There are many leaky eyes….
    There will be a Star shaped hole in the hearts of so many. But she will be the brightest Star in the heavens above. Star will be loved forever.

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 20:44:56

      Oh Dana so much loss then and since Star left me. Our friendship is her legacy and our babies run free together now until we at all reunited xxx

      Reply

  9. jansfunnyfarm
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 16:22:32

    A beautiful post for your Star. We send a warm hug.

    Reply

  10. Sue Mouring
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 16:51:19

    It’s a truly beautiful letter & our hearts are broken with you. Sending so much love. Star is pain free, young again, full of energy at Rainbow Bridge. RIP sweet Angel Star xxx

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 20:47:20

      Lovely Sue, you know the pain, we shared it. Your friendship and suppor invaluable and I’m blessed by you and everyone that Star and her pals brought together. Much love to you all xx

      Reply

  11. jaynesdenaypppp
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 16:55:15

    Such a beautiful dog. I am sitting here with tears in my eyes your post brings back some memories of losing my own Golden Labrador Sandy over thirty years ago. Thinking of you. Jayne

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 20:50:08

      Dearest Jayne, how incredible ab love you must have shared with Sandy. Great loves like that come along but once in a blue moon. Thank you for your thoughts. It is only now that I can bear to reply. Life without Star is a lesser life,M but you understand that. Much love to you and yours x

      Reply

  12. Rosy Rue
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 17:01:58

    Oh. How amazingly beautiful. Not only can capture life through photography, but you can capture the inside of a broken heart along with the story and aura of an amazing dog. We wish we could have met Star in person, but we came close through you sharing your beautiful girl. Thank you. We will always think of Star fondly and hope she has finally met Bear. We are sure he will give her a very special new tiara at his pizza party to welcome her to the bridge. We are always here for you and hope maybe one day to meet you. With lots of love and hugs.

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 20:52:56

      Our precious friends,mwhat amazing words thank you. Bear our guardian who brought so much joy is surely with my Star and indeed enjoying pizza! You understand the loss of such a great love and I’m so thankful that we all are joined in friendship through our beloved furry friends. Big hugs to you all on this #TiaraTuesday xxx

      Reply

  13. ZEKE, his Mum & Angel Clyde
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 17:20:39

    You wrote a bootiful luff story, Miss Maria. Actually, you lived a bootiful luff story.
    You and dear Star were truly blessed to be in each odder’s lives, and da determination and resilience of your journey together hab touched us all deeply. We trust dat Star now be dashin along Heaven’s beach wif our OTRB pals and den soaking up da sun, but know dat nebber ebber will she stop wotchin ober you and all dose you luff.
    Angel Clyde and Mummy and I wish youse a gentle peace. 🐾💔🐾

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 21:01:59

      Oh Zeke, Mum and Angel Clyde what a lovely message thank you. You touched our hearts with all the love and support you gave us. Only now can I reply. I miss her every day and struggle to plan a life without her and Mel as well. Our friends who shared all that she was mean the world to us thank you for being a part of that then and now xx

      Reply

  14. Barb & John
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 17:31:21

    Beautifully written Maria, and such a fitting tribute to your extraordinary girl. Tears are flowing here, but not out of sadness. Upon reading this, the overwhelming feeling is one of gratitude for all exceptional gifts that Bubba Star brought during her time with us. We are so grateful for Star, for the life she lived and the love that surrounded her. She is still with us. Sending all our love to you, your mum, Dave and Mel. XOXO

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 21:03:43

      Love you my friends. Thank you for loving my girl as you did and for sharing Timber with us and bringing us all together. What a legacy they leave us xxx

      Reply

  15. Sue JD
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 18:02:32

    Beautiful 🐾💖

    Reply

  16. Carla
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 18:07:55

    Dear amazing Maria,
    Such a beautiful and moving tribute to your precious Star. My heart goes out to you. The love you share will always be there and she will live on forever in your heart. Cherish all those special memories. Your precious Star added so much to so many people’s lives. She lit our days in such a magical way. She is a precious gift from God. She has left a paw print on my life. Thank you for sharing so many special and gorgeous photos with us. Lots of love to you all. xxx

    Reply

  17. Truman
    Sep 10, 2016 @ 21:07:46

    I did not have the pleasure of knowing your beautiful Star, but I can feel the great love that you have for her through the beautiful words in your love-filled tribute. My heart breaks for you for your loss. I’m sending you lots of love and hugs.

    @tweetingtruman

    Reply

  18. Lily Luvs MamaLouise (@LilyLuWhoT)
    Sep 11, 2016 @ 02:36:42

    Thank yoo for sharing your beautiful Star with us-she’ll live forever in the hearts of so many all over the world! Sending yoo #ComfortingPurrs & ((HUGS)) Purr purr purr
    God Speed Star – may yoo play like a puppy OTRB! May yoo always feel our love!

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 21:08:42

      Bless you for your friendship and support. Thank you for sharing our adventures with us. That so many loved her all over the globe makes me the proudest mum alive and I am blessed by her and all of you. Sending lots of love to you all xx

      Reply

  19. Hils
    Sep 11, 2016 @ 08:29:50

    A beautiful tribute for a beautiful girl. Dogs never leave us without making a difference but, the heartbreak is devastating. *hugs*

    Reply

  20. @zaziart Joan Brienza Nardozzi
    Sep 12, 2016 @ 15:31:35

    Your Tribute to Star is so beautifully expressed – and the heart pain is understood by those of us who have loved our dear Pets. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 21:11:04

      Thank you Joan and thank you for all the support. The pain of her not being her just lives inside my heart for always, knowing her was the highlight of my life X

      Reply

  21. Kingsley
    Sep 12, 2016 @ 21:15:06

    This is such a lovely tribute by a lovely lady for a beautiful girl. It made me cry.

    Rudyard Kipling wrote a poem called The Power of the Dog (http://www.kiplingsociety.co.uk/poems_dog.htm ) which warns of the dangers of giving your heart for a dog to tear, but those of who have would do it again like a shot to have one more day…

    I read a quote somewhere once which stayed with me (but sadly I cannot remember who said it) but it went “when I wake one morning with my face being licked by all the dogs I have ever owned, I will know that I have died and gone to heaven”

    Thank you for letting us share in your life with Star and for making us welcome on #StarsPorch.

    Hugs from me & Labrador licks & sad tail wags from Lewis & Molly.
    Kingsley (aka CedarWych) xxxx

    Reply

    • Maria
      May 16, 2017 @ 21:16:40

      Dearest friends it is only now that I can reply to such a lovely message. The quote about heaven sounds like something that Brian Sewell would say and oh how true it is. The hope of them all waiting for me OTRB is surely the only way to survive the loss. I miss her so much and now I miss Mel too. I am so thankful for all the incredible memories we all shared together and I’m proud to have been Star’s mummy. Thanks for all the love and friendship and hugs for Lewis and Molly x

      Reply

  22. Joy Dembo
    Sep 13, 2016 @ 15:57:07

    Amy, u r a special person and Star will always be your special baby. There is a song by a South African band called Mango Groove, called special star. It comes to mind.
    My Chloe went OTRB 17 months ago. I was just shattered…heartbroken and inconsolable for weeks. My kids got me a Goldie pup b4 I was ready but she has helped heal my broken heart. I have cried a river of tears for Chloe. Our souls are bonded forever and I know her spirit is with me. So, I can feel your pain…the tears trickle down my cheeks as I weep for u. Across the oceans u have a friend who shares your grief and heartache.
    Lots of love and healing hugs
    Joy xxx

    Reply

  23. Maria
    May 16, 2017 @ 21:49:43

    Dear Joy, it is only now that I am able to reply to everyone and Special Star is playing as I write thank you. It is a heartbreak like no other isn’t it. You Chloe sounds so very special and all that you shared is yours forever. How are you now with the little one? I know that Star will never leave my heart or my thoughts, she was my one true baby and the pain of losing her had become a part of me. Thank you for the song, thank you for the words and thank you for the understanding. We are all united in our love for our furry ones. Xxx

    Reply

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